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May 17, 2012

The Bon Appetit Throwdown: Round 4

Whose dumb idea was this anyway? I'm talking about this whole Bon Appetit throwdown crap. Well BA must have gotten the memo that dough and I have a love/hate relationship because they have gotten all serious about this throwdown thing and have been playing dirty by bombarding me with yet another cover recipe that features dough. Here’s the thing—I love to eat all things made from dough but I hate to make it. Mostly because I suck at it.

I was coming off a hellacious high from pain meds and wasn’t thinking rational when I made the decision to bring a pound of butter to room temp.
      Think I’m kidding?  There were three plus sticks of butter in a recipe that yielded nine rolls. I can do easy math even when high, so I know that means that there is about a stick of butter in each bun, right? I am usually of the opinion that everything is bedder with budder, but these rolls were practically boiled in butter and that’s just sick and wrong BA!!!   
     The dough was sticky, hence the name I suspect.  So crazy sticky in fact that it would have been easier to get Bazooka bubble gum off of the hind end of a shiatsu then it was to get that crap out of my food processor.  When I finally did I then buttered them up some more and put it in a bowl to rise, just like the BA bully told me to do.  
     Then that shit didn’t rise.
     I waited the allotted time and then some and finally gave up on it and rolled it out, hoping it would rise on the second time around, but nooooo, it just sat there in its own pool of butter all relaxed looking while I looked on in zombie horror from my happy place.
So I baked it anyway. Thankfully my friend Shawna had popped over and was there to keep an eye on them, because between the Percocet and Pinot Grigio I almost forgot that I had a bun in the oven. 
Hahahahaha! Are these not the worst looking rolls you've EVER seen?
When Shawna pulled them out of the oven she remarked that they slightly resembled sticky buns. coughbullshitcough, I thought they looked more like road apples.
Hahahahahahaha! Fugly, I know...
I have two friends who also made this cover recipe.  Karen, who is an amazingly talented baker said, and I quote, the texture is awesome and that they were easy to make. I gotta believe her because she knows dough, but Karen, I want whatever pain meds you're on because I think making origami birds is easy compared to making these buns.  
      My other friend, Mrs. Lexus, also an accomplished baker in her own right, made them and said her buns rose to the high heavens and were mighty tasty...but were too buttery. Mrs. L., I want whatever pain meds you're on because I didn't know there was such a thing as "too buttery".

The Lowdown on the Throwdown:

The individual components of this recipe were very good, Vicodin or not. The dough was soft and silky and oh-so-buttery.  The filling, which was butter, brown sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg was sweet and spicy and did I mention buttery? Then there was the heavenly caramel sauce which was nutty and creamy and UN-freakin-believably buttery!  When you put all that together, minus the fact that my buns were like hockey pucks, what you got was an insanely, buttery, tasty hunka dough. 
      But here is the sad truth...if you are really going to eat a whole sticky bun by yourself, plan for your next meal to be fed to you through an IV tube shortly after you come out of triple bypass surgery.  Just sayin'.   
     Click here to get the recipe.  

OK Bon Appetit you win this one, I'm cryin' UNCLE!  Enough with the dough, would you?  How about some nice fish for a change, like salmon? Are you listening?

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