Men and Mascara

Okay ladies, I’m going to give you a hot tip here. You know I’m not like some of those people who finds something really great but then doesn’t tell her girl friends about it because she wants to keep the secret all for herself. Like if I found out that eating copious amounts of Vosges Bacon Chocolate bars every day gave you a really flat stomach ~ I would tell you. I wouldn’t be the only one walking around with a flat stomach pretending like I got it from doing crunches.  No…I would tell you…eat Bacon Chocolate bars.  

If you are a guy you will probably want to quit reading right here. Unless of course you still haven’t figured out what to buy your lady for Christmas then you better just suck it up and read the rest of this. It’s important. It's about mascara. Yes, you heard me right…mascara. You’ll thank me later because she will think you are some kind of a sensitive genius who pays attention to makeup ads. Shhhh, your secret’s safe with me.

So buddy just trot yourself on down to Sephora and pick up a tube of this stuff.  You can print out this page if you want and then act like you don’t really know what you are looking for and then the Sephora ladies won’t be looking at you like you are some kind of drag queen because guys never go into Sephora. 

     Never. 

     Ever.  

     Unless they are drag queens. 

And I have a funny story about that. I was in Sephora in Las Vegas and approached the sales girl; a stunning blond with a boyish figure and flawless makeup. I asked her a question, not a dumb one mind you, but one like, “do you carry Clarins products?”  This by the way was before I started boycotting everything French, except for bread, manicures and fries, for their failure to support the US in the war with Iraq. (Did they forget about OUR support in a couple of little conflicts called WWI and WWII? Bastards! Pardon my French.)

    “Yes we do, let me show you,” she said in a sexy, raspy voice. That’s when I noticed her Adam’s apple. I tried to appear all cool and cosmopolitan like, hoping that she couldn’t tell that I was from Podunk. I'm sure my eyes were popping out of my head because I had never seen anyone so pretty wearing four inch heels and foundation with a five o’clock shadow.

 

But anyway, back to the mascara. I’m slapping on a little mascara this morning and Dr. Hook's Sexy Eyes starts playing on my iPod, don’t judge me, and I think damn, this mascara gives a gal pretty sexy eyes. I better share this stuff with my girls.

 Benefit brand (made in the USA) called They’re Real! is the shizzle.  I know, I know... I look a little crazy in this picture; that's what flashing a camera directly at your eyeball will do to you. Actually I think this look, complete with the eye roll falls somewhere between super model and crack whore, you decide, but keep in mind that my mascara is at least a few months old. It's getting dried out and this shot is after only one coat and no eye lash curler.  
     (Side note:  Some days I'm just bored and want to see if one shines a really bright light in ones eyes does it make one see stars and the back of their own eyeballs. Yes and only for a second or two. However it did give me the bright idea to write about the mascara.)  You're still judging me about Dr. Hook aren't you?    

Guys, if you’re still with me here, go to Sephora, or at least go online (Click right here) and buy this mascara along with nice bottle of your honey's favorite perfume and give it to her for Christmas. Important tip here:  DO NOT buy her the Wrinkle Cream, no matter how much the young, hot chick with no wrinkles pimps it to you at the checkout.  Adam's apple or not ~ quit while you are ahead. Trust me on this.

And ladies if your man is squeamish about buying mascara for fear of being found out that he's a tranny whore  just go buy it for yourself.  Oh, and if I find out that Bacon Chocolate bars = flat stomach I'll pass it on. (Pssssst, so far they don’t work but I'm still in the experimental stage.) Girlfriend, I am looking out for you!

It's not like I feel the need to pay homage to the French, but while we are on the subject, this little French Onion Salisbury Steak on Cheese Toast is pretty delicieux and easy to prepare. No snooty ingredients called for.  Go to the Beef-Pork-Chicken" tab at the top of this page to view it. Bon Appeit! 

*P.S.....Not my picture, I jacked it from the internet but mine looks EXACTLY like this only better.