The Fountain of Youth Blows

Old Ponce, Big & I

The Fountain of Youth is a Rip-off!!!  Gasp! Yes, you heard me right.
     The Big Guy and I were in St. Augustine, FL recently so duh, we went to the Fountain of Youth. You know the one; the one that Ponce de Leon went in search of in 1513.  Well people, he never found it because HAH! it’s not in Florida! Everyone knows that right? Here’s a News Flash for ya: Florida is full of Old People— who look old— so obviously there is no fountain of youth there. Old Ponce diddy Leon himself missed it by miles because the real Fountain of Youth is in Bimini,  which The Big Guy and I did not know until after we coughed up ten bucks apiece.  It was only after Andrew Jackson was safely tucked away in a cash drawer that we were informed that this wasn’t the actual Fountain of Youth, and that they (the Park peoples people) didn’t even know where the real one was. WHAT? They took our money as our new frown lines were forming. 
     We were there so we figured we may as well drink the water that was trickling from the faux fountain. The pipsqueak park attendant lied and told us that it was from the same aquifer as the original fountain of youth…blah, blah, blah. I’m no aquifer genius but I know that Bimini and St. A do not even share a border, much less an aquifer. Who did she think I was? Regardless, I went ahead and drank the stinky, rotten egg-tasting water and hoped for the best. Big followed suit because in the dim light of the diorama he thought it was maybe working on me.  (Authors note: It wasn’t’…skip the fountain and head straight for the botox.)

Cheers! Here's to Youth!

     St Augustine is the oldest city in the U.S. and is quite beautiful.  Restaurants are abundant and the shopping is unique and trendy for such an old city.  The Columbia Restaurant, serving Spanish food with a Cuban flair is not to be missed. I’m still kicking myself in the butt for not ordering the “1905 Salad”, but there were some blue crab cakes with a passion fruit aioli and a mahi-mahi Cubana sandwhich, that was calling my name.
   Not only was the food great, but the sangria was the 2nd best I’ve ever had in my entire life! (Authors note again: By Florida standards I'm basically pretty young, so that may not be sayin much).
    Well, crap I’ve gotten off track…back to the Fountain of Youth.  I say skip the tourist trap, take your ten bucks, add about fifty more to it and then go on down the road to the Alligator Farm where you can zipline over the gators.  Now, that you can be guaran-damn-teed will take a few years off ya!

Here is a picture of the 1905 Salad, which they make tableside and which sadly I didn't order.  It's now on my "To Do Before I Die" list, so some day before I get too old to chew my own food, I'll be going back to St. A to have one.  (Click on the link below this picture for the recipe.) 


Click on this link for the recipe for the Columbia's 1905 Salad.