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Sep 15, 2013

My Latest Addiction: Pig Candy

I said, "Lord, you can take me now. I've had what surely must be a taste of Heaven!" 
     I'm talking about Pig Candy. You heard me right...Pig Candy. If it's on the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet in Heaven I'm ready to go. Where does the line form?

Last week my friend Karen N. brought me a box of the stuff, which she got in Jackson from a restaurant called Cafe Genevieve.  Cute packaging, I thought as I opened the box, and then I saw that it was real bacon! It was at first bite. I dropped to my knees and prayed to the bacon gods that Pig Candy would would be fat-free. Well you can't have everything. 

Never, ever, EVER in my forty or fifty or whatever-some years have I ever eaten anything as heavenly as Pig Candy. I mean it...and I've eaten really good food in a lot of other parts of the world.
     (Side note:  Pig Candy could stop wars. If the Muslims would just stop being so sensitive about pork and would try a little a piece of Pig Candy all this hatin'-terrorism bullshit would come to a halt because they'd be busy wiping drool off of their beards instead of strapping bombs on their babies. But hey, that's another story for another time.)   

Ok, seriously...If you had asked me in the five seconds before I ate the Pig Candy what was THEE BEST thing that I have ever eaten in my life I would have said the seafood cannelloni in Sorrento, Italy. It was so amazing that we went back the next night and ate it again. I don't recall the name of the restaurant, but this is a dinner that I will never forget!

Or I might have said it was one of our more memorable recent dinners ~ the giant red snapper from our favorite restaurant, La Estacion in Fajardo, Puerto Rico. Four pounds of a tender, grilled, just barely out of the water, fish served with mango salsa, johnny cakes, and green papaya salad.  We won't likely ever love a snapper again like we loved this one.

But never in a million years would I have to expected to add Pig Candy in Dayton, to that prestigious list. But I'm hooked. Pig Candy is my meth...or my crack or whatever it is that you get hooked on.
     So to avoid becoming a gluttonous-two-fisted-poke-it-down-the-ole-pie-hole-piggy, I hid the box from myself on a high shelf in my pantry. I knew that if I left it sitting on my counter only bad things could happen. 1) I may have to share it with The Big Guy; 2) I would eat myself into Hog Heaven or; 3) I may have to share it with The Big Guy. A definite lose-lose for me.

The picture above is what Pig Candy looks like on the flip side. It's all that brown and crunchy goodness of brown sugar and cayenne pepper that I assume makes it so damn good. The idea of making my own is now rattling around in my head since I am down to one piece. 

Confession to make:  I have now, on more than six occasions went to bed only to get up at an hour when most addicts are sleeping off their drugs, and have gone downstairs and rummaged in the far corner of my panty to get out that beautiful brown box, just to break myself off a sliver of Pig Candy.
     This is just crazy, I said to myself the other night at around midnight, when I was standing on a chair to reach it. So the next day I did what most junkies do. I gave my dealer (Karen) a hundred bucks so she could get me some more. A hundred bucks, you say?  Why only a hundred? Well it was because I didn't have an extra thousand laying around.
     If anyone one wants in on my stash when it gets here let me know. I can hook you up....but it's gonna cost ya, so bring cash!


  1. Muslims and meth = I am in!

  2. This is so funny. I have a son-in-law that loves,loves,loves bacon. I am sure he would die for some of this.

    1. I'll say it again Nanna...bring cash. The dope is on the way! Thanks for reading the Sauce!