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Aug 21, 2012

Bon Appetit ~ Round 8: What? No Freakin' Cover Recipe!

Are you shitting me Bon Appetit????? Have you forgotten that you are a food magazine and you should be putting food on your cover?
     What if the The Globe didn't put Oprah's alien babies on the cover? What if People didn't put Kate, Brittany, or J Lo on the cover? Or Playboy didn't put boobs on the cover? Who would buy and/or read that crap????  Answer me that!
Because I love nothing more than parking myself at a table at the latest/greatest/coolest hot spot, I'm all for reading about the top 10 restaurants in the country, but to just put the NUMBER 10 on the people SUCK!!!
     You may as well show an image of Gwyneth Paltrow eating spaghetti. Oh wait, you already did that, back when Adam Rapoport first took over as the new editor and Babs got kicked to the curb. (Adam was the former style editor at GQ, for those of you who are not in the know.) Come to think of it, I have a bone to pick with Adam. Since he has taken over as editor, BA is full of ads, the RSVP section got shortened to a few recipes, and even the last page got reduced from a celebrity mini-interview to a napkin with nothing more than a few scribbles. C'mon dude, give us some meat with the magazine! Enough with the fluff and foam.

Adam's first cover as new editor. I ask you, is this GQ or BA?

I'm done venting.  Deep breath ~ sucking air in through my teeth now, like I'm getting Botox ~ happy  face here ☺, because I still love Bon Appetit.  I mean I want to. I'm really trying to, but you are testing me here.
Since I can't exactly cook this months cover I just closed my eyes, opened the magazine and put my finger on what I hoped would be something yummy. That's not as easy as it sounds since BA has loaded this rag with more ads than recipes.
     My first pick was OPI nail polish, love the color by the way! On my second attempt my finger landed on the Bellagio. Lots of great restaurants there. Check out Sensi, if you go. Third times a charm, right? NOT EVEN. I will not be cooking up Juvederm anytime soon, although maybe I could use some because BA's BS is causing me to frown A LOT, which is surely causing some new wrinkles that will need some filler.
     So I decided the hell with it and just went straight to page 106 where I was all set to mix up the stiffest cocktail they had. Turns out I don't stock Cocchi Americano (Italian apertif wine), aquavit (a Swedish liquor, typically caraway flavored), dill pickle brine, Cynar (artichoke liqueur, seriously?) or Peychaud's bitters, in my bar. And I call myself a professional. Sheeeesh. Where's my wine opener?
So I say to you Bon Appetit...there better be some food on the next cover or I'm opening up a can a whup-ass.



  1. No Pickle brine, no Cynar. I am not coming over to your house. HAHAHA. Maybe you should become the new editor of the magazine. And show them what really needs to be in it. Nail polish and Botox,reallyu.Should be butter and cinnamon.

    1. June, amen to the butter and cinnamon! I'll round up some pickle brine, you get the Cynar and come on over and we will diss BA.

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