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Sep 21, 2012

Pink Velvet Perjury

This is the follow-up to last weeks unfair-prosecution-without-a-jury-trial post.

Paisley and the Prosecutor
I did have a restraining order against me stating that I wasn't allowed to bake Paisley a "birthday cake," but then I got off on a technicality.  So, while I'm officially on probation I decided to make her a birthday "PIE". 
    After my near execution for conspiring (for the second time) to bake a baby a booze laced birthday cake, I've redeemed myself and for the moment I'm out of Grandma Jail. It's not for good behavior mind you, but because I'm fully cooperating and part of my plea bargain was to make a kid-friendly birthday dinner.
    The old prosecutor ordered up pulled pork, so I took the liberty of adding killer coleslaw and jalapeno potato salad. Our friend Karen, brought kid friendly mac and cheese and I withheld the Kahlua cake and dug out my mom's old recipe for Pink Velvet Pie!   


Although I hadn't ever made it before, Pink Velvet Pie holds sentimental memories for me. It's the only dessert that my mother used to make that seemed hoity-toity.  I mean, it was not apple or cherry pie, nor oatmeal cookies, and back in the day it seemed so fancy!  It's airy and silky and pretty and really pink. I only recall my mother making it when ladies wearing something other than caps and muck boots were coming over, which was not very often. Back in the day this was not a man's dessert. It would never have stood up to Carharts or camo so we never had it during brandings or hunting season, and it's safe to say that I never saw its remnants clinging to a mustache.

But hey, this is decades later. Guys are touchy-feely and tough enough to wear pink. Momma's want to limit their babies alcohol intake and grandma's on parole want to get back in their prosecutors good graces. So I did what I had to do....I broke out the dope, so to speak. Call it the next happy meal.

Here's the weird thing about Pink Velvet Pie ~ there is Jell-o in the recipe.  I know, I'm as shocked as you are! Who knew that Jell-o was actually an ingredient? I thought it was just a vehicle for Jell-o shooters. But no....I'm here to tell you that you can make "baby birthday pies" with this powder. My mother's recipe was old and the writing faint, but I think it said "stir in the Everclear," or maybe it was "stir until almost clear." At any rate I went with number one because it is Jell-o and obviously you have to add some Everclear, which is, I think, the necessary ingredient for Jell-o to set up.
     What? It's not? The hell? Oh. Rut-roh. My bad. Can we change the subject?

Sooooooo.........there may have been one other small birthday faux paus...I have been known to recycle shopping bags and I admit I did put some of Paisley's gifts in said recycled bags. The Prosecutor bypassed the "Coach" and the "Guess" bags and zeroed in on the pink bag that said "Victoria's Secret." The following conversation went like this:

    PROSECUTOR:  "Mom, I can't believe you are using an old Victoria's Secret bag for Paisely's birthday present.
     ME:  What's it matter? She can't read.
     PROSECUTOR:  Oh just wait. About twenty years from now she'll looking at her baby book and see that she got a Victoria's Secret gift bag on her second birthday. She'll be like, WHAT THE F...?
     ME:  Just tell her it was from me. She'll understand and it will all make sense.
     PROSECUTOR:  Why do I have a buzz going on?  Did you put something in that Pink Velvet Pie?
     ME:  Do I get one phone call?

Paisley LOVED the Pink Velvet pie! The proof is in the pudding, (read; pictures) above. Go to the "Desserts" tab at the top of this page for the recipe.  Then go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass go.

Paze, with her great grandpa and grandma...aka, my one phone call.



  1. I remember Wanda making this pie. I can't wait to try it. I wonder if i have any everclear?

  2. No Everclear June? Vodka will do. ;)
    Thanks for reading the Sauce!

  3. I loved this pie. I always remember eating it the. Passing out...hmmm

    1. ahhh, young you know why!