Pack Your Bags Kids, We're Going On a Guilt Trip!

Do you want to get back at your kids? Make 'em squirm a little? Do you want to make them pay for growing up and leaving home and not taking all their crap with them? Parents, do you want to have some fun? Well pack your bags, grab their crap because we're going on a guilt trip. (Insert evil laugh here....wahhhaaahaaahaaaaabaahhhahhhahaahaaa) 

Breyer horse number 14,825 of 854,532 Breyer horses left at my house

You may already know how this works. Over the years you've spent a small fortune on things that the little darlins' really wanted and then you blinked, or you fell asleep for one minute and eighteen years went by. There you were; left with an expensive pile of clothes, shoes and toys right there next to the box of priceless memories. You felt lost and sad for months. You went into their rooms and sat on the bed and ran your hands over their pillows, imagined sleepy heads; touched the left behind trophies and pictures. You smelled the clothes left hanging in the closet, opened drawers and re-folded the not-cute-enough-for-college pajamas.  YOU DID THAT!? REALLY?  (*Sound of screeching brakes here*) Sorry I am not that mother. I'm the other one...the one who stripped the bed, boxed up the pj's, trophies and all evidence of teenage existence. Seventy-two hours later there was not a trace of teenage angst anywhere in my house.

Polo gear...circa 1996-2000

It's not that I didn't miss my girls when they moved out, I did, terribly. I just wished they'd have taken all this shit with them when they left. 
     The Know-It-All left home at seventeen to go to college. I won't lie; there were a few tears (of relief). But just because she no longer showed up at the dinner table every night to ask, so what's the sauce du jour tonight? didn't mean she had really left home because most of her crap remained here. I did what any sappy, overly sentimental mother would do...I boxed her shit up, took down the hippie beads, packed up the polo gear and stored everything under the stairs.  

Coat hook circa 1983

When Hates Everything made the move from daddy's spoiled rotten home-schooled-can-chasing- baby to Arizona to go to college, The Big Guy had an anxiety attack as he pulled the life-sized decal of her off of the horse trailer. He held his chest and hyperventilated while I pulled posters of Wrangler clad calf ropers off her bedroom walls. The sound of the door banging, signalling her exit had not even stopped echoing up the stairs when Trevor Brazille fell to the floor. Pink and zebra sheets were stripped from the bed, walls were returned to a color that is found in nature and in the time it takes for paint to dry, you would have never known that a teenager lived in our house, unless of course you looked under the stairs. (Not her....her stuff...I'm not THAT mother!)

Here's some guidelines on how to make this the best guilt trip of their lives: You lay in wait, you don't nag or mention the expensive clothes, the electronics, the tack, the bulletin boards, stuffed animals; all the junk they really wanted but then left behind. Patience momma! (insert evil laugh again!)

 

The day will come, trust me, when they live in their "own" house and then it's GAME ON! Here's how it works: Each time you go to one of their homes you take one of the tucked away "treasures" and you HIDE it.

Sometimes it's weeks or moths later when I get that phone call saying, Maaaahhhhhhhmm, why'd you leave _____________(insert whatever I left) at my house. I don't want that! This is when you say, what do you mean, I thought you loved that____________ and it probably cost me a lot of dough. Crap returned + overnight guilt trip = triple bonus points. For example: Do you know how hard I had to work to be able to afford those dance lessons and now you tell me you don't want tap shoes? 

Ring: 1997-est $20. Returned 2014 -priceless

Here is a run down of some of my returns and the amount of time it took for them to take the guilt trip.
     I framed The Know-It-All's college diploma and hung it on her wall (3-4 weeks) and yes, that did cost me a fortune.  I stuck an old Indian doll  in a side pocket of her suitcase (3 months); an old ring that some street vendor in Jamaica carved her name on to (9-10 months).

I've returned Hates Everything childhood jewelery box (1 day) trophy buckles (a couple of weeks) a fancy Black Hills gold watch that I gave her for Christmas that she never wore (still hasn't found it).

And the best part is sometimes I give them some of my stuff that I don't want. Seriously! One time I offered them each cutting boards that I hadn't used since the 80's and they turned me down flat; actually one of them said, mom! no, we don't want your old junk from the 80's. It's not gonna hurt my feelings, I just went and hid one in each of their cars. (Hates Everything, 2 years; The Know-It-All,  ???) Hates Everything gave it back to me. She doesn't know it yet but I gave it back to her about 6 months ago. (insert evil laugh again) By now The Know-It-All has surely found it and lost it again, before being able to sneak it back to me. (Double bonus points)                                   

Martha Josey halter, won in 2004, returned February 2015.

So now that they are all grown up "home moaners," I try my best to contribute to the interior design of their grown-up homes, as shown in the photo above. It's a Christmas horse wearing a real horse halter. (Martha Josey Clinic ~ $400 + gas to CO for said clinic $200 + barrel horse for clinic $20,000 - value of halter won at clinic $10 = priceless guilt trip.) 

Sometimes, just for old times sake, I like to leave a slice of pizza in a dresser drawer or silverware and cereal bowls (with milk) in their cars. Or maybe a stuffed animal under their beds (You know they are both looking under their beds right now. Triple points) It's just like the good ole' days, only with less acne and drama.     

Arrow Coat Hanger....laying in wait.

But there is ONE thing in this house from those teenage years that I have not yet found a way to return. The-Know-It-All stapled a poster to her bedroom door in about 1995. When she moved out of this basement bedroom in 2000, Hates Everything moved into it. She moved out in 2006 and the poster remained tacked to the door. Forgotten and left behind by both girls. I walk by it several time each day and everyday I think, I should take it that old thing down, because you know, I'm not that mother. But I never do. I crack open the door and peer into what is now the perfect guest room with en suite bathroom, sans hippie beads. And then I  just go dig in some of the boxes under the stairs and plot my next move.  
 

 Here's a recipe for a healthy snack that will smack the taste of guilt right out of their mouths. When the girls were little I never fed them healthy snacks except for Twinkies and Pork Rinds, so this a nice little treat that I can take to their house(s) now. Bonus points: if they don't eat them all I can hide them. They will last for several weeks.

PRINT RECIPE : Spicy Fried Chickpeas

Cooking Class 120 ~ Street Tacos

Roasted Cauliflower and Lime Slaw Taco

I know I've been slacking as a blogger lately, but with "Street Tacos" on the menu for the February SdJ cooking class, I've been more into eating food, than writing about it. I take this "research" business very seriously and for the past two months have been on a whirlwind taco eating tour!

Guajillo Braised Short Rib Taco

From Texas in January to Mexico in February, one would think that we have died and gone to taco heaven.  But not so much. My little touch of OCD has caused me to knock tacos out of my kitchen faster than you can say Taco Hell. Just ask The Big Guy. As my official taste tester, he's had to eat all these tacos, night after night.
It sucks to be him.

Flank Steak, Cilantro Creamed Corn Taco with Cumin Crema 

Butternut Squash, Kale and Pepitas Taco with Cashew Crema 

Asian Pulled Pork with Kimchi and Wasabi Sauce

From a roasted cauliflower and lime taco to a Guajillo chile braised short rib taco, and from a butternut squash, kale, and pepita taco to a shrimp and mango taco, I have been making them all. Have you ever had a chicken and waffle taco? Been there, made that. Flank steak with cilantro and chipotle creamed corn taco? Did it, ate it, liked it. What about an Asian Pulled Pork with Kimchi and Wasabi Taco? Yep, made it, got the t-shirt. So here we are; dozens of tortilla shells later and we narrowed it down to our fave four.

This is what made the menu.

Kim, Cristina and Tom getting ready to cook

We started the night with the amazing Sashimi Tuna and fried leek tostada.

Vicki and Brandy prepping for the Tuna Tostadas. LOVE the Taco hat!

The recipe is from the famed San Fransisco restaurant, Tacolicious, who got it from the Mexico City seafood restaurant, Contramar. The raw tuna tostada is their signature dish, and for very good reason. We served it appetizer style, on a bite sized tostada, and it was one CRAZY-GOOD bite! Make this ~ I promise you won't be sorry. (Trip Advisor, Yelp ~ they both rave about it.)

The Guaco Taco is my own recipe. I had a fried avocado taco in Denver once and always remembered how good it was to bite into that creamy but crispy avocado (no need for guacamole). We gave them a nice panko breading and fried them up.

June and Paula making the corn and bean salsa

I slathered our tortillas with an Ancho chile sauce that everyone thought was the bomb, and it really made the Guaco Taco pop.  With a little black bean-corn salsa, fresh pico de gallo and a cumin-lime crema, it was muy bueno! You can find the recipe right here. 

While I usually prefer my fish tacos grilled, this version is breaded in a rice flour and club soda mixture so it makes for a light and fluffy piece of fish. The Fresno chile sauce has a killer bite, but the creamy-limey slaw off sets it perfectly. This is on my favorite (ever) fish tacos!

Because chicken and waffles are never wrong, I just had to turn it into a taco. No recipe is really needed...make your favorite waffles (If they aren't Carbon's Golden Malted Waffles, they should be. Getcha some! World Market, you're welcome).

We doctored up our waffle batter with some chopped up candied jalapenos, then put a smear of apple butter on a soft corn tortilla, a chunk of waffle, maple syrup, a chicken tender (that had been soaking in buttermilk all day, floured and fried), with a slice of crispy bacon lovin' up on the chicken, and then a little more syrup and a touch of Sriracha, and BOOM, you got your Boom Chickie Wah-Wah Taco! 

I'm no quitter and I was determined to make a dessert taco too. I played around with peanut butter, bananas, chocolate, dulce de leche.....this list goes on. I even got chocolate tortilla shells. (they sucked) I finally made an executive decision and tossed the dessert taco idea out the window, having decided that my SdJ chefs would rather drink their dessert than eat it. It was a good call. After the Boom Chickie Wah-Wah Taco we were all so stuffed that the Mucho Gusto Margarita was the perfect cocktail to finish up with.

The rim is coated in a mixture of toasted coconut, sugar and salt. I poured a bottle of tequila over a whole pineapple, chopped up and let it sit on my counter four days. Agave simple syrup, coconut water and lime finish it off. Sooooo goooood! The recipe is right here. 

It was another fun night, with a ton of great food! Thanks everyone for coming out for Street Tacos!  If you want any of the other recipes from the above mentioned tacos, let me know and I will either put them up or send them to you.

PRINT RECIPE: Tacolicious Tuna Tostadas

PRINT RECIPE:  Guaco Taco with Black Bean-Corn Salsa

PRINT RECIPE:  Mucho Gusto Cocktail

Someone please get Tom an apron that fits him! And put your pig away, it's time to make tacos!         

The Perfectly Poached Egg

After my last post about the Spinach and Bacon Salad with a Poached Egg on top, I had a couple of people ask me, how do you make that perfectly poached egg? You guys, poaching an egg is easier than getting into your jeans after the holidays.

So here's how I do it: 
You will need the following: a pan of simmering water, some vinegar, a whisk, a slotted spoon and an egg. (FYI ~ cold eggs poach up better than room temp eggs.)

Get your pan of water at a high simmer (almost boiling), add some regular vinegar or white wine vinegar. You don't need much, maybe a teaspoon. Crack your egg(s) into a small bowl or ramekin. (If I'm going for the super model of poached eggs, I crack it into a fine mesh strainer and let the watery white drain through, before placing it in the ramekin. Draining that off makes for more perfect edges, but I'm not always an overachiever in the egg department...)
     Use the whisk to get the water swirling like crazy and then carefully slide the egg(s) into the swirling water.

Leave them babies alone until the swirling stops.  If you get some whites or white foam floating to the surface go ahead and skim it off.

I don't move it (them) around to much, at least for the first couple of minutes. When I see they are pretty well set, I lift the egg(s) and gauge the doneness by touching it. Just poke it or pinch it gently with your finger. (Because I only have two hands I couldn't lift the egg out of the water, poke it and take a picture at the same time, so just trust me on this.)
     I like mine with the whites set firm and the yolks soft. I find it's usually easier to under poach an egg than over poach it, so I let it simmer until the white feels nice and tight and the yolk has a nice feel to it; kind of like poking your finger at yogurt or pudding. You should feel some give, but it should still feel soft, (don't poke too hard or you'll break it) about 4-5 minutes total time.

When poached to a perfect doneness the egg(s) are actually quite easy to handle without breaking. The picture below is just after it came out of the water. Keeping it real, I didn't trim any funky edges (because there weren't any) or photo shop it all perfectly round looking.

The pokey-pinch test

Eggs have got to have a little salt and pepper, so here it is all pretty.

And the real test...cut into it. 

The whites are set firm, the yolk is runny, just like I like it.

There you have it! I will tell you that practice makes perfect and a poached egg can be a delicious low calorie addition to many dishes, such as the salad above. At 70 calories it can replace a creamy dressing, which comes in at about 120+ for just 2 tablespoons worth.
      A poached egg is also a great topper on a burger and again comes in at about half the calories of a slice of cheese. Wait....that's bullshit! I like my burger with bacon and peanut butter on it.
     But if your jeans are tight from all the holiday treats, back away from the peanut brittle and Russel Stover's Chocolates and poach up an egg.

Here is a picture of a beautifully poached quails egg. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE these little babies and they are only 14 calories each. If you can get your hands on some of these, try them out. Use the same method to poach, but don't attempt to crack them like a regular egg. Use a serrated knife to slice the big end off.

Poached Quails Egg with Bacon-Maple-Bourbon Jam on Toasted Sourdough

 

GET POACHING!!!!

Out With the Sweets, In With the Salads

UGGGGHHHHH! Feel the bloat? Thankfully the holidays are finally behind us and if you are anything like me, you have spent the past couple of months over eating and generally pigging out on sweets, booze and all of the other over indulgences that the season brings.
     We left the tundra of Wyoming on Christmas day, in our bus and came to Texas to spend the month at our friends place. I like to think of this little get-away as "research," since my February cooking class is going to be Street Tacos. Texas is the land of the taco and we spent a week in San Antonio, eating a lot of tacos. For research sake...and I'm taking one for the team here, by eating all these tacos.

One of my trial taco creations: Flank Steak, Creamed Cilantro Corn and Lime Creme Fraiche

My research assistant, Karen, and I even signed up for an authentic Mexican cooking class, hoping to score some good ideas and recipes. The night before the class we decided to map the address from our San Antonio hotel, so we would know where to go. Well it turns out we didn't read the fine print and it was a real authentic Mexican cooking class because it was seventeen hours away from San Antonio. As in OLD MEXICO. My Mercedes (which, by the way is pimped out with a real bumper, four good tires, rear view mirrors, running boards and a hood ornament) was not a ride that I wanted to take deep into the heart of Mexico. I envisioned it would come back looking like this, only with less paint. Same could be said about us.

                                                 ↓

We had to scrap the class and forfeit our pesos. But hey....we remembered the Alamo! Been there, got the T-shirt.

So for now I've sworn off fried food (unless its bacon) and anything else that leaves a trail of grease running down my arm (unless its bacon), meaning I'll be filling us up on some lovely salads, like these (with bacon).
                                                      ↓

I do love a perfectly poached egg and they aren't just for breakfast anymore. In case you hadn't noticed, poached eggs are showing up on everything from salads to burgers and I'm on that bandwagon. When you cut into that egg and the yolk runs over the salad greens it adds another dimension to the salad. Almost like it's another salad dressing. 

This is what a perfectly poached egg looks like! Autographed photos available upon request.

Last night I made us a spinach salad with bacon, blue cheese and tossed in an apple cider and Dijon vinaigrette and then topped it with a poached egg. With plenty of protein in this salad it was a satisfying meal. You can find the recipe under the "Soups and Salads" tab or in the "Recipe Index."

I've also been busy making a few changes to this Blog. The new tab, called "Recipe Index" now takes you to an alphabetical listing of recipes, which are direct links to a printable version.
     Plus, if you go directly to a tab, let's say "Seafood", you now will see a photo of the dish with the name, and by clicking on that link it will again take you to a printable version. I'm hoping that this will make it easier to find recipes. If you run across any snags, please let me know and I'll try to fix them.
  The little page on the far right, titled "Yesterdays Sauce" is pretty much useless, other than to list recipes (which are under the "Recipe Index" tab) so it's just filling up space. I'll probably make it go away.

Anyhow, try out this salad when you are ready to step away from all the holiday treats.


PRINT RECIPE: Spinach Salad with Bacon, Poached Egg and Dijon Vinaigrette


Move over my Bobby Flay.....taco recipes coming up next!

Tuna-Avocado Taco

Shredded Beef in Green Chile, topped with Mango Salsa and Cojita Cheese

Cooking Class 119 ~ Manly-Man Salads

With the holidays upon us there is a lot of over-eating and over indulging going on, so for the November cooking class I featured some salads.
     Disclaimer: I never said they were low-fat, low-cal, or even healthy. My only claim was that they would be delicious.  The plan was to make them hearty enough to satisfy the manly-man, but yet make them chick friendly, by either eliminating or reducing the protein and skimping a little on the dressing.
The menu looked like this:

Because I served the Asian lettuce wraps as an appetizer, I used endive as the vehicle. To serve this as an entree, wrap up this bundle of flavor in butter or Bibb lettuce.

This Southwest Chicken Caesar Salad was a big hit of the night. Instead of croutons we made mini pepper-jack quesadillas and stirred a little chipotle in adobo into fresh made, and the World's Best Caesar dressing.
     I made a Margarita marinade and put the chicken to bed in it overnight. It was agreed, hands down that it was the best Margarita chicken everyone had eaten. For the chicken, twelve to twenty-four hours of swimming in that boozy bath was akin to a pool party at the Playboy mansion. Breasts and booze with everybody chillin' all night? It was a chicken party! Do try this Margarita marinade...it made for really flavorful chicken.
 

The Tuna Nicoise is one of my all-time favorite salads. EVER! I made this every week on Pisces and it was always a favorite. Sub salmon, if you have a big, beautiful piece. Chef Tom did a beautiful job of searing the this tuna and even the fish haters in the group *coughKittEmilycough* rose to the occasion and admitted it was good.  Steamed potatoes, eggs, haricot verts, olives and capers tossed in a herbalicious-Dijon vinaigrette, keep this salad light, but with the bounty of ingredients it's still a complete meal.

 

The Ranch Steak Salad is as hearty as they come. Spinach, arugula and roasted red peppers are tossed with lemon juice.  We then pan seared filet mignons, sliced and plated on some toasted French bread and topped it all off with a Ranch/Horseradish drizzle. The flavors of this salad are bold and it's definitely dinner worthy.

For dessert I made Watermelon-Jalapeno Popsicles. I'll give ya a sec to quit laughing or blushing. Yes I know, they look like a couple of penises. Get your mind out of the gutter....they were Crayola molds. And they were dang good! Click on the links below or go to the "Recipe Index" tab at the top of the page.

PRINT RECIPE:  Asian Lettuce Wraps with Ponzu Dipping Sauce

PRINT RECIPE:  Southwest Chicken Caesar Salad with Pepper-Jack Quesadilla Croutons

PRINT RECIPE:  Watermelon-Jalapeno Popsicles

PRINT RECIPE:  Caesar Salad Dressing: The World's Best

WISHING YOU ALL A MERRY CHRISTMAS!