Elvis! Go Smoke a Cigarette!

I think I may have been called a "Crazy Dog Lady," like once or twice in my life. I know that I once denied that a tiny turd on the floor of my sister's house was Elvis' even though he was the only dog in the house at the time. My sister was reading me the riot act when my nephew came to my defense by saying, "it can't be Elvis' turd because he shits diamonds." I really love my nephew! Almost as much as I love Elvis.
     And you know Elvis loves me best, but did you know that the other love of his life is Humpy Bear? This is a little shout out ~ a tribute if you will ~ to Humpy Bear.  He's not quite a gonner yet, but it's safe to say that he is on his last leg because Elvis the Pelvis has just about loved him to death, if you catch my drift.

I don't recall if Humpy was Mrs. Claus or Santa Claus, but he started out life innocent enough as a cute, chubby teddy bear wearing a Santa outfit.
     The back story is this:  In 2005 The Big Guy and I and the kids went on a cruise over Christmas. This was before I had my "Crazy Dog Lady Card," so Elvis was not allowed to "officially" travel with me even though during that time he was often spotted wearing a Harley t-shirt and tooling around in my purse, which pretty much double stamped my ticket and put me on the fast track to the Looney Train.

So anyway I left him in the good company of my Uncle Gary and Aunt Ruth. The "other Chihuahua" in the house (my aunt's) was older and probably in the post menopausal stages of her life and didn't want anything to do with Elvis, unless it was to bite his head off and shit down his neck, so poor little Elvie sought out companionship with the Christmas teddy bear. My aunt and uncle finally gave up trying to save the teddy bear from the horn dog and just let my little man have his way with him or her.
     When we came back from our trip Elvis would not part with his new love so Mr. or Mrs. Claus came home with us. Soon after we renamed him "Humpy Bear," for obvious reasons.

For many years Humpy Bear was not allowed out of the house. Whenever we went anywhere I refused to take the filthy, nasty thing along even though Elvis will drag out the door. We can be gone for months and yet when we come home the first thing Elvis does is run through the house looking for Humpy. Most of the time he always remembers exactly where he left him so the minute we get in the house he makes a run for Humpy Bear.
     By the way, I would like to think that Humpy Bear is a "her" but we have always referred to it as "him".  If my little man is gay I'm perfectly fine with it, and if he wants to marry Humpy I'll call the caterer and order flowers. It's no secret that they have already been doing a lot of honeymooning. *wink-wink*.

Elvis loves to introduce Humpy Bear to whoever comes to our house by immediately dragging him into the middle of the room and giving him the business. Smooth move, I know.
     Humpy Bear is so dirty that Paisley is the only one who will touch him without rubber gloves on. (P.S. I don't wash him anymore for fear he will fall apart and then Elvis would probably have to go to some humping support group.) Paze loves nothing more than to terrorize Elvis by running through the house with Humpy dangling at the end of her arm while he chases her. A few days ago she gave Humpy a swirlie, yes in the toilet, and then ran, dragging the dripping, dirty thing across my floor. I'm not sure who I love more ~ Paisley or Elvis.

A couple of years ago Elvis got really sick and we almost lost him. He was in the hospital in an oxygen kennel and I took Humpy Bear to him and asked the Vet to put him in the kennel with him. El's little face lit up and he crawled right up on top of him (not in that kind of way) and curled up and went to sleep. It was so sad and you know I bawled like a baby. From that moment on there were no more Humpy Bear rules. Humpy can sleep in our bed, sit on the couch, ride in the car, play with matches or run with scissors....whatever Elvis and Humpy want, they can do. Whatever. Whenever. Wherever. When it comes to Elvis and Humpy Bear there are no rules.
     Yet....those are some of the times that I can be heard yelling, "Elvis! Go smoke a cigarette!" 

After me and Humpy Bear Elvis loves chicken so I'm sharing one of our favorite recipes; Chicken Pomodoro, which was the only chicken dish on the menu when I cheffed at the Virginian Steakhouse.  Elvis likes it for the chicken; me, for the vodka.  Click on the "Beef-Pork-Chicken tab at the top of this page to view it.

     Gotta run, gotta go pick some diamonds up off the floor. (I hear that train a-comin!) 

Below is a picture of Elvis wearing his "Elvis outfit" at the "Elvis Birthday Party." (That's another story.) Cape, cuffs, gold lame ~ can't you can tell he's digging it? I swear I heard him say, "Thank you momma, thank you very much."

 

 

(*not my Pomodoro picture above)

Shrimp Scampi in Crazy Water

I cook a lot of seafood. Mostly because I love it but also because I have a good seafood supplier. Yeah that ~ and it doesn’t suck that half of the year I live in the islands…so duh.

For my August cooking class I featured seafood even though I knew that someone in the group, I'm not naming names here, but Becky had already made the statement that she didn’t “really like fish.”  That is the wrong thing to say to me because I will forever more be on a mission to make a fish eater out of you.

     (Authors note: Daughter #2, aka “Hates Everything,” HATES onions and has for twenty-five years, although I don't think she have ever actually eaten one. She will pick through her food like she’s panning for gold, in search of a speck of onion. For years I’ve been slipping them in by calling them shallots or leeks, but the kid has a nose like a beagle and can sniff out an onion from across the room. Have I given up? No. After all it’s only been twenty-five years and I think I’m making progress and will make an onion-eater of her yet.) 

     Like I said, I was determined to make a fish-eater out of Becky. Or at least a fish-cooker, for starters. 

That's my girl Becky, searing the Ahi

We started the evening with Shrimp Scampi in Crazy Water. It’s been a favorite of my family for many years now (well except for Hates Everything) and it’s one of those dishes that goes from hors d’ oeuvre to entrée. Personally I like it best as a horse-do-over because I’m pretty fond of mopping up all that crazy water with a good crusty bread. To turn it into dinner all you have to do is serve it over linguine. 

   

 

Next we made Salmon in a Caper-Cream sauce and Becky, being the trooper that she is plugged her nose and took a bite...AND LIKED IT! Well sort of. I may be a little over zealous about that ~ but Cathy LOVED IT! Just look at her "O" face. 

"O" yes, she loved the tuna too!

Then it was on to Ahi Tuna with Wasabi Beurre Blanc and Pineapple Ginger Chutney (you can find that recipe under the “Seafood” tab at the top of this page), which is thee best dish we’ve eaten in the past year. By "we" I mean The Big Guy and I, and he will totally vouch for that. 

And here we are about to plate it.

I’ve never seen so many wined-up people who were face planted in their dinner plates that weren’t passed out. I know this because they were doing what all refined diners do and that’s lick the plate clean. (Even Becky. C'mon admit it Becky...you know you did!)

The next class was "Tomatoes" so something else yummy is to follow.  Go to the "Seafood" tab at the top of this page for the recipe for Shrimp Scampi in Crazy Water. You'll be glad you did! 

 

Don't Drink The Kool-aid

This blog has never been about politics...and I don't want it be...and this post is not about politics, it's about being an American.  If you don't love this country, leave...no one's got a gun to your head and you can quit reading right now, but if you do love it...read on. 

I am an American. And proud of it. If you know me you know that I am conservative, but first and foremost I care about the character of the person and if he or she will serve our cities, our states, and our country with honor and integrity. That being considered, I vote for the person not the party.  

It shouldn't matter if we are Democrats or Republicans; what should matter most is that we are Americans and we should be as accepting and supportive of one another as if we were all one big, dysfunctional family. A family with a few crazies, some weird uncles, an odd-ball cousin or two, and with some eccentric, old aunts thrown in. After all, those of us who were fortunate enough to have been born in this great county are really just lucky sperm. Like trust fund babies or the Kardashian kids.


Our president should be a man that we are proud of and that we respect. He needs to be a man that we can trust; a man who loves America as much as we do; someone who will lay down his life to protect this country, just as our troops do to protect our freedom.
     We must know that that person, our president, has no agenda other than to uphold our constitution. That God and country are more important than late night television interviews. That rather than solicit out-of-touch-with-reality-Hollywood, for campaign money, we want our commander in chief to be a person who will champion small businesses and individuals for making their own money.  

That's the way it should be and that's the touchy-feely side of me saying that. But here's the way it is and it's really chapping my ass.
     I am so aggrieved that our mainstream media has turned our politicians into desperate puppets who are willing to disgrace themselves and our country with their crusade of lies and cover-ups, all for the despicable hope of winning an election. The media, who has an obligation to protect our truth has itself become an enemy and a threat that divides us.
     What should be a bi-partisan commitment for unity has been turned into a game of "gotcha," with the mentality of a preschool bully. In short, our media has become as criminal and corrupt as our politicians!!!!

No, this isn't about politics, it's about our god given right to be heard above the propaganda that we are bombarded with by biased, lying people who will say anything to get their man elected.
     It's about the lack of accountability of our media and our government. Why is it always someone else's fault?  And why do those who have the power to throw one of our own under the bus not have the balls to at least own up to it? They are, after all untouchable. Own it. What could possibly happen?


It's about the integrity of the man we will elect to represent us, all of us, whether we are liberals or conservatives.
     We need to know that he will not be self-serving, but be in service to our citizens. Rich or poor, black or white, man or woman...IT DOESN'T MATTER! We are are all equals and we are AMERICANS!!!!  The person who holds our highest office must not bow down to the lunatics who want to kill us! As a citizen of this great country we need to know that he has the backbone to stand up to them and that he won't dishonor himself or us with deception and degradation.

As Americans we should proudly support our troops and salute our flag. That's not a political stand. It's a stand that we should take because we should not take our freedom for granted, nor should we want to grant freedom to those cowards who despise our democracy and who prove it over and over again with their terrorist connections.
     Radical anti-American extremists, WHO WANT US DEAD should never, NEVER be indulged, nor warrant one iota of our sympathy! They will strap bombs to the backs of their own babies to decimate innocent people and they will do it so they can give glory to a sick god.

As AMERICANS we must take a stand and vote for a leader who will stand up for AMERICA.

Name your poison, but don't drink the Kool-aid that's being passed around.

 GOD BLESS AMERICA!