The Liver is Evil and Must Be Punished

I'm not a bartender and I don't play one on TV, but I do love to make cocktails! Wait, I take that back. That's not me. I love to drink cocktails, but really I like someone else to make them for me.

It's hot out and a girls gotta have some cool refreshments if she's gonna knock out a killer dinner every night, right?  And summer is all about cool cocktails so I've spent a fair part of it trying to make a great Key Lime Martini. 

Oliver's Bar and Grill, here in Podunk makes the best one ev-ver, so I asked nicely and the bartender supposedly gave me the recipe but I think either a.) he must be one of those if he told me he'd have to kill me types or b.) he takes his craft very seriously and has already killed a large number of his own brain cells and can't remember the recipe off the top of his head, because mine does not taste anything like his and I've gone through a lot of vanilla vodka trying to replicate it. Douche bag!

      I finally said screw it and began experimenting with my own concoctions, meaning I bought an obscene amount of flavored vodkas, like Key Lime, Wedding Cake, Madagascar Vanilla Bean, Whipped, and on and on, and have been mixing up my liquors like I'm an old lady with dementia and a whole lot of prescriptions. 

I also have a ton a mint in my herb garden so my Wednesday night drinking buddy and I and have been knocking back the mojitos.  My favorite Lodo restaurant, Zengo, makes a killer cucumber mojito, so I got all creative and made a cucumber simple syrup, thinking that had to be the secret. It's not, I know this now because I have since found Zengos recipe, so we will be back on the Mojito train!

And why not take advantage of all the great summer fruits and veggies? The possibilities are endless! The picture above is of a watermelon mojito that Blondie and I recently had at Olivers, and I will say this about it: Do try it at home!

And what about Sangria, you ask?  I'm all about Sangria in summer, and the very best I've ever had is at Firefly on Paradise, in Las Vegas.  They do a red, a white and a sparkling and they are ALL worthy of a teensy case of  cirrhosis.

More later...I just heard the buzzer on my dryer go off and my liver is in there so I better go get it out in case I need it later.

If you are going to punish your liver, may as well do it with Zengos Cuzco Mojita. Check it out under the "Misc. Recipes" tab.


Note: Key Lime Martini and Watermelon Mojito pix are my own amazing photos; Mojito and Sangrias are not. I got them off the net.

The Big Guy Got Crabs

The Big Guy had a birthday a few weeks ago and leading up to it I was racking my brain, wondering just what do you get the guy who has everything?  Well, one of his (and my) all time favorite restaurants is Joe's Stone Crab in Miami, and because we loves us some Stone Crab, I made him up this pretty fabby, artsy-fartsy looking gift certificate.

Because he's a guy, he just looked at the picture and didn't bother to read the fine print to see what it actually said, so he thought we were going to Miami. I know this, not because I'm physic, but because he said, "WE'RE GOING TO MIAMI!?!"  
     "No honey, Miami is coming to us," I told him.

Joe is pretty proud of his Stone Crab and charges about twice as much as the next guy, so I found a company called Incredible Stone Crab and placed an order with them, for ten pounds of delectable jumbo claws.

I then got busy on line and found some of Joe's "secret recipes" for things like their mustard sauce, which is a must have for dipping those claws into. We also love their famous garlic creamed spinach so I found that recipe too, and even Joe's special "Jennie Mashed potatoes." 

(Authors note:  I'll point it out here: Take a look at the picture below; it's from food.com and it's supposedly the recipe for Joe's garlic creamed spinach. Yeah right. There is NO WAY that spinach there came out of a box of "frozen chopped spinach", like the recipe calls for. That is FRESH spinach if I ever saw it! Bet me!)

 

Then I figured out Joe must be a asshole because he is withholding at least ONE MAJOR secret ingredient from his recipes. I know this for a fact because the mustard and the spinach did not taste the same at my house as they did at Joe's. Not one to be out smarted by someone with a degree in assholery, I adapted the mustard sauce and the creamed spinach recipes to make a passable resemblance of the originals. (Take that Joe!)

We then begin to poke Stone Crab down the ole pie holes like we were in a contest or something. I guess because we only had ten pounds of it and a free Key Lime pie to boot, the four of us wanted to make sure we got our fair shares. And boy did we! Mike, Karen and I were also glad that we made the cut on Big's "Three Favorite Peeps List."  Sorry suckers!

I'm not trying to wish you into old age honey, but I can't wait for your next birthday to get here...we might just have to do this every year!
     Whatcha think?
     Looks like a "yes" to me!

♥   Happy Birthday Big Guy!   ♥

By the way, here is a picture of my garlic creamed spinach and you can see it looks NOTHING like the picture of that fraudulent recipe.  I know...I've been to Joe's and in real life his looks much more like THIS, than that photo above. Click on the link above for Joe's recipe, then go ahead and stir in a package (5.2 oz.) of garlic and herb Boursin cheese, the missing secret ingredient...I'm sure of it.

My Death Row Dinner Choice

A few weeks ago I promised to share this recipe for Thai Sweet and Spicy Lemon Shrimp because it is THE BOMB BABY! Ask anyone who has eaten it and they will vouch. I can name names, have my people call your people, whatev, but not since wasabi beurre blanc have I had the urge to hit my vein with a sauce filled needle.

I recently made this for my Thai cooking class "kids", and honestly we could have just filled up on it and been perfectly happy and skipped the other three courses. I know this to be true because the "kids" were face planted in their bowls.

I went all out and had The Know-It-All hit up the Ft. Collins Whole Foods store and Fed X me kaffir lime leaves, lemongrass and Thai basil, which are fresh ingredients that I can't get here in Hickville. Those little herbal delights elevated this dish right up near the top of my list ~ you know "The List" ~ my Death Row-Last Meal-Wish List. That one.

NOT on my last meal wish list! I don't even know what all that shit is, but I'd inhale death row gas on an empty stomach before I'd eat that. And what is that funny green, fish head looking thing on the left?  
(FYI, this was my dinner plate at an Island BBQ. It looked like this when I dished it up and I was pretty sure it would look like this when I threw it up, so I did what I do when food looks like zoo animal poop... and that's drink my dinner.)

Oops, sorry about that digression folks....back to my death row dinner story...I'll tell you what else I LOVE about this recipe is that is goes from appetizer to entree with one simple pot of boiling water. And fast! Marinate those shrimp, pop 'em a pan for about two minutes and serve them with a loaf of crusty bread and you'll have an app that will leave you lickin' the plate.

OR...make a little extra of that wonderful sweet and spicy sauce/marinade and cook up some rice or rice noodles and pile it right in the middle of that bowl and ~ waaaallaaaa ~ you have dinner.

Oh...stop it some more...you really don't need to put me on a pedestal/pray for me/send me money/shoes/pay for my botox/tummy tuck/vet bills...Just make the damn dish and tell me you LOVE it!
     Oh, and I ask you...looking at those two pictures, which one do you want to eat if you're about to pass through the Pearly Gates?

Click on the "Seafood" tab at the top of this page to see the recipe and then click on THIS LINK  or THIS ONE  or maybe THIS ONE,  to send me a lovely thank you gift for giving you this wonderful recipe. 

Now, can I get a nurse? I need an IV, stat!